More Funny status updates.

(There will be more added as time goes on)

I keep hearing someone screaming for help... Apparently my trunk is not sound proof.

I'm feeling super lazy today. It's like normal lazy except I'm wearing a cape and mask. 

Yes, I talk to myself.. I even argue with myself. The hard part is trying to figure out who won the argument.

If it doesn't kill me the first time... your damn right I'm gonna do it again!!

There are 2 reasons I would never drink toilet water: Number 1 and Number 2.
  
I'd much rather check my Facebook than face my checkbook

I went into Wal-Mart's changing rooms yesterday. After about 10 minutes I screamed out "Where's the toilet paper?"