1. Due to rising energy costs, the light at the end of the tunnel has been disconnected.
2. Well, ain't that a turd in the punch bowl...
3. o, the arresting officer asked me "What were you thinking?!" I calmly stated "I was thinking I was gonna get away with it."
4. Life's all about ass. You're either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, or trying to get a piece of it.
5. To a child, "Snap, Crackle, & Pop" is what you hear from a bowl of Rice Krispies. To an adult...it's what you hear getting out of bed.
6. Guys, just remember, women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
7. I could lend you a hand, but I'd rather give a finger.
8. I have to go to court tomorrow, my imaginary friend filed a restraining order against me.
9. I wonder who ate the first egg, and what was he thinking? "Hey I'm gonna eat what just fell out of that chickens butt"
10. If you can't say anything nice...we are probably related.
11. The funny thing about this message is that once you realize its pointless, its too late to stop.
12. I mean Come on, honestly, who took my crayons??
13. I just checked the obituaries and the Fortune 500 list, didn't find my name on either one. Guess I'll get ready for work.
14. If you ever see me holding a shovel and dragging a large garbage bag behind me... don't even ask.
15. A woman asks her man for money to buy a bra. He says "why do you need a bra, you don't have anything to put in it." she says "you wear pants, don't you?"
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